How can we encourage our children’s cooperation?
In this video and accompanying article I’ll show you an effective communication tool to help you gain a child’s cooperation.
This may be one of the best tips you’ll ever get!
This is the second in a five-part series on the child’s need to belong.
Download the accompanying article here.
Download the goal/behavior/choice worksheet here.
Time to put this into action.
When is your child uncooperative?
What choices can you give your child to foster cooperation and create this important emotional connection of belonging?
How can you state your expectations clearly and kindly?
Make a comment below and let me know!
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Thank you! It was a great help in the video–set expectation first, then give choices.
Judy,
Great to know!
I see this working for my 3 year old. But…can this work for school-age children- ex. age 8-9, to do their homework, etc.? Do you need to change the format a bit?
Barbara,
This basic idea of giving choices still works with the older child.
But what we are working towards is helping the child develop independence and concentration.
In next month’s video I’ll talk about meeting the goal of power, by offering skill building and the corresponding responsibility.
For the child over the age of six, I suggest family meetings and problem solving techniques to help them see, discuss and think through the choices they have, and then follow through on those choices.
In the case of chores that need to be done for the 8 and 9 year old, accountability would be established in a family meeting.
As parents we would offer friendly reminders using the expectation first, choice second technique, such as “Have you done your homework? Are you going to do it before or after dinner?”
Here’s a link to an article about family meetings:
http://marenschmidt.com/2013/03/family-meetings/
And one to five step problem solving:
http://marenschmidt.com/2005/07/five-steps-to-…-with-children/
Let me know how it goes.
Thank you Maren. This is wonderful advice that I am going to put to use with my children.
My 3yr old battles teeth brushing so that was a perfect example for me to take from.
I have a 7yr old son that likes to push back on a lot of things. I am going to be sure I do the expectations and choices for him more clearly to help us both.
Perhaps after doing this for a few weeks he will start to feel better about things. He typically will whine and complain if we have to go somewhere (if it’s not for him, like an outing with friends or homeschool coop) and drags his feet asking continuously about why we have to go, and complains about the his clothes, etc. It can be exhausting and sometimes I lose my temper.
I think you have given me more clear understanding of what I need to do as I have not been helping him the best with these transitions.
I am also going to look into your article on Family Meetings and the Problem Solving article. Thank you so much!
Melissa,
Glad to know that this tip is one you can use.
Please let me know how it goes.