“If I don’t spank, what am I supposed to do?” asked Teri, mother to ten-month-old Mary.Teri, as a parent of a now walking and curious toddler, had reached into her parenting bag and found that spanking was her only tool for redirecting behavior.“What do you want to teach?” I said.“Well, I guess I want to teach Mary to be safe and to not get into stuff she shouldn’t. I can see that spanking doesn’t teach those things. Spanking is more about me forcing my will than showing Mary the right way to do things.”For those you have reached into the parenting toolbox and aren’t happy about what you have to work with, here is a tool I call “love-pats.”