What should our children learn?
Over the past posts I’ve tried to show that children need to learn, as a life-long foundation, the practical life skills that include care of the self, care of the environment, care of others, and care of community.
The skills of practical life offer the child a way to build independence, co-ordination, concentration, as well as create a sense of order, all leading to being able to function with confidence, dignity, and self-respect.
Adult Practical Life
For adults, the daily work of practical life—caring for oneself, a home, family, and the communities of work, school and neighbors—is less about learning how to do activities, and more about how to do these actions with awareness, intention and proficiency.
Over the past couple of decades, as I’ve watched young adults emerge into adulthood, the struggles they encounter seem to connect to a lack of practical life skills. The good news is that when they focused on learning practical life skills, the turmoil in their lives subsided.
In terms of self-care, stumbling blocks may look like not being able to prepare nourishing meals, not getting an adequate amount of sleep, not creating time for exercise and rejuvenation, or perhaps not creating and establishing daily and weekly routines.
Care of the home environment can become quite an obstacle to stepping into adulthood. Many young people enter their twenties and flounder trying to create a functional living space. To these young adults, the seemingly simple tasks that children learn in Montessori classrooms appear overwhelming: how to clean their home, how to do laundry, how to clean the kitchen, how to organize drawers, shelves and closets, how to declutter, and how to do simple home repairs.
Food preparation is another aspect of the home environment and care of the self that is a stumbling block for many entering adulthood. Menu planning, grocery shopping, food prep, setting the table, hosting simple meals, and knowing how to clean the kitchen vs “do the dishes”, are activities that can keep one from eating healthily, and having a social life. Over the years I’ve been amazed to meet people who have nothing in their house to eat except breakfast cereal and milk, eating out all other meals. They didn’t have friends over to eat dinner except for take-out pizza. With their lack of practical life skills, I think they missed out on important activities and relatiosnhips.
Care of others, especially with marriage and children, becomes essential for establishing and maintain strong relationships. Being a good listener, being on time and reliable, as well as telling the truth are strengths that, when lacking, can make or break relationships. The care one gives to others becomes critical as we build connections with our children, spouses, along with other family members and friends.
Care of the community begins with being a good neighbor. This, too, becomes important to having a fulfilling life. By maintaining our home and shared spaces we extend respect to others in our community. Simple acts of returning shopping carts, picking up litter, volunteering and supporting local business are ways we show care of our community.
Organizational skills also play a part in practical life skills for the adult. Folks that struggle with the demands in life seem to share a lack of planning in one or more aspects of their lives. Perhaps they grapple with calendar organization, financial management, paperwork systems, decluttering, time blocking, commitment overload or understanding weekly, monthly and yearly patterns.
Concentration and being mindful is another adult practical life skill. Learning to complete one task at a time, instead of juggling activities, leads to a calmer person. A childhood neighbor, a widower, had twenty card tables set up in his living room, each with an unfinished project. Even then, I realized he lacked the important skill of finishing what you begin. Today I can only think how agitating it must be to have twenty unfinished projects in full view. No wonder he seemed a bit grumpy to me!
Grace and courtesy for the adult is viewed as awareness of the needs of others. When we learn to treat others with kindness and respect, rules for behavior aren’t required. Adult grace and courtesy skills include the abilities to resolve conflict, offer clear communication, to know when to apologize, to show gratitude, to agree to disagree, and to offer empathy and compassion to others. A big job.
How do we know if we are building our practical life skills?
May I offer a bit of a check list? Ask yourself– does this activity support the following:
- A clear purpose
- A beginning, middle and end
- Independence
- Environment or community
- Order and care of the person
- Attention and focus
- Competence and dignity
Adult practical life, derived from Montessori principles, is about learning to live well…on purpose.
It’s about becoming capable, calm and connected to yourself and others through the activities of daily life.
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