There is a simple hymn that I find myself singing as I walk. As a young teen, I learned it as a round at church camp and later sang it for the church congregation. Another version, made famous in the play Godspell, became a Top 40 hit.
The lyrics are simple, and the original melody is attributed to an Amish devotional.
Day by day
Day by day
Oh, dear Lord, three things I pray.
To see Thee more clearly.
Love Thee more dearly.
Follow Thee more nearly
Day by day.
This song expresses my wishes as I observe children busy with their self-selected activities:
- I want to see them more clearly and understand their motivations.
- Love them more dearly—to care for and protect them to the best of my abilities.
- Follow them more nearly—to be there for them and guide them, rather than lead them, as they choose the way they will go, day by day.
A simple philosophy. Three daily actions to build a loving relationship:
See. Love. Follow.
Life, though, does not come at us in such a simple and pure manner.
Children are born to love their environment—to love the people, objects, and ideas around them, along with the plants and animals that surround them.
When we recognize that children’s actions are motivated by love, I think it creates a shift in the adult-child relationship.
For the adult, this awareness allows a bit more room for patience. Instead of simply reacting to situations, we can actively create a place that children will love—a place where they can express themselves and grow.
For children, this shift offers a place where they can trust the adults around them, where they feel safe, and where they can work with grace and dignity.
As we look more closely at the concept of normalization—the healthy and natural development of children—and look for signs that children are connecting with their innate love for their environment, we need to look in the right places.
When we have a child who is a handful—angry, not listening, out of sorts—we may be looking at a child who has lost an important connection to their environment.
The child may have lost connection to their love of order.
For some children, seemingly innocuous changes can catapult their world into chaos.
- New things, such as clothes, furniture, decorations, toys, and more, can disrupt a child’s sense of order.
- Being offered a drink in a different glass might cause a tantrum.
- Dad being gone on a trip may start a rampage of name-calling.
- Mom’s new outfit might precipitate a crying jag.
- In the classroom, new children, moving the furniture, or rearranging materials might create anxiety.
How do we use the child’s love of order to aid development?
First, be aware that children under the age of six have a strong sense of order.
For some children, not knowing the routine of their day can keep them in a constant state of turmoil. At school, I’ve seen three-year-olds look out the window all morning because they weren’t sure who was going to pick them up. Not understanding the order of the day created anxiety for them.
It’s not that our homes or classrooms need to be in perfect order, but there should be some semblance of order.
- Give things a consistent place. For example, have a place for shoes, coats, and backpacks.
- Keep toys in one general area, rather than scattering them throughout the house.
- Simplify the space. In terms of toys, clothes, books, and other choices, less is often more.
- Make the daily schedule predictable and explain the day’s activities beforehand.
- Allow transition time between activities. I’ve found that singing simple songs helps create movement and cooperation when going from playtime to lunchtime, to naptime, to outdoor time, to snack time, and finally to going home.
- Involve children in cleaning up and moving on to the next activity. For example: “Playtime is over. Time to put away our toys. Can you put this where it belongs, please?”
- Introduce new foods as a tasting, separate from mealtime. New tastes can be overwhelming for some children and may not fit with their inherent expectations of how food should taste.
- Show children how to participate in the daily routine. Setting the table, folding laundry, preparing food, putting groceries away, and watering plants all offer experiences that tap into a child’s natural sense of order.
Following an established order helps children recognize patterns and establishes a sort of mental pegboard on which they can organize thoughts and actions.
Our help—seeing, loving, and following the child as we create a place where their natural sense of order can emerge and grow—allows children to develop an organized mind.
It is this inner order that is a sign of normalization—a child’s healthy and natural development.
Day by day.
I invite you to download this handout, What Does Normalization Look Like?
Please join me for a Kids Talk Workshop…
