One of the things I’ve learned as a parent and grandparent is that you never stop worrying about your kids!
There are two big ideas that have helped me over the years feel confident that life was going okay:
- Signs of normalization, a Montessori term that refers to the process of natural, healthy development; and
- The late Wayne Dyer’s list of what parents really want for their children, from his 1983 book, What Do You Really Want for Your Children?
For his book, Dyer surveyed parents and found that they wanted the following:
I want my children to have the ability to…
- Enjoy life
- Value themselves
- Be risk takers
- Be self-reliant
- Be free from stress and anxiety
- Have peaceful lives
- Celebrate their present moments
- Experience a lifetime of wellness
- Be creative
- Fulfill their higher needs
- Feel a sense of purpose
The results surprised Dyer. He expected parents’ responses to focus on being smart, rich, and famous.
The question then becomes: How do we help children develop these abilities?
For me, the answer comes from understanding and supporting the process of normalization.
We support the process of normalization when we give children:
- Free choice of activities within limits of responsibility and safety
- Uninterrupted time
- An environment that supports those activities
As children follow their path of normal development, we find that, over time, their activities help build a person with many, if not all, of the qualities parents want for their children.
As we watch our children in their day-to-day lives, we should look for the signs of normalization. There are observable behaviors that let us know children are meeting life’s challenges.
What are these signs?
For children under the age of six, we should look for the following qualities:
- Love of order
- Love of work
- Deep, spontaneous concentration
- Attachment to reality
- Love of silence and working alone
- Sublimation of the possessive instinct
- The power to act from real choice, rather than just curiosity or impulsivity
- Trust and obedience
- Independence and initiative
- Spontaneous self-discipline
The signs of normalization are more concise in older children and adults:
- Love of work
- Concentration
- Self-discipline
- Sociability, seen in joyful work, mutual aid, and cooperation
I have found that I begin to worry about children when I see a few of these signs missing. That’s when I fret and wonder how to fix the situation.
Unfortunately, you can’t fix it for another person.
Only that person can create growth through their own efforts.
What we can do, though, is create places where children and adults can freely choose activities they enjoy, with plenty of time to complete those activities to a personal level of satisfaction, in surroundings that support their work.
That is called removing obstacles to development.
We remove obstacles because work is the healer.
“The most important discovery is that a child returns to a normal state
through work.”—Maria Montessori, The Secret of Childhood, p. 185
Worried about your kids?
Simply make sure they have the time—and a place—to work at creating the person they are meant to be.
Join me for a complimentary workshop….
